Het psychologische raffinement van

Het psychologische raffinement van een sekteleider zou wat meer uitgesproken kunnen zijn. De leden van een sekte zijn gebrainwashed en denken niet meer helder. Ze denken eigenlijk helemaal niet meer. Sarah wordt bewust van de situatie nu ze met de zoon van de leider naar bed gaat. Wat op zich niet vreemd is, maar ze vindt er niets aan zeg je, en dus denkt de lezer: waarom blijft ze dan bij die jongen, die zijn vader ook nog eens haat? Heb je de film Tjechov gezien? Daarin wordt op geraffineerde wijze het psychologische overwicht van een sekteleider beschreven. Het door de mand vallen van de leider zou een motief kunnen zijn om aan zijn greep te ontsnappen. Sarah is nu alleen maar bang voor hem of bang voor de toekomst buiten de mission. Dat is wel begrijpelijk, maar ook onwaarschijnlijk, want de missie zal ongetwijfeld contacten hebben met diezelfde buitenwereld. Er komen nieuwe leden binnen, etc. De visionaire vind ik er een beetje met de haren erbij gesleept. Waarom zit ze in het verhaal? Is Ted niet charismatisch genoeg? Voor buitenstaanders is het een onbegrijpelijke situatie, maar ze bestaat. Zou de visionaire niet ontmaskerd kunnen worden?

Bij de inline-critique heb ik nogal wat zinnen of woorden geschrapt die mijns inziens overbodig zijn. Je vertelt vaak iets wat we al weten of omschrijft een gevoel. Dat is niet nodig.

Het onderwerp is apart, maar de ontknoping vind ik wat mager.

Resultaten (Engels) 1:

The psychological sophistication of a cult leader would be more pronounced. The members of a sect are gebrainwashed and thinking no longer bright. They think actually at all anymore. Sarah is aware of the situation with the son of the leader they now go to bed. What is not strange, but she finds nothing to tell you, and so does the reader: why she remains than that boy, that his father also hate? Have you seen the movie Tjechov? In it is on refined way the psychological ascendancy of a cult leader. The fall of the leader by the basket would be a motive to his grasp to escape. Sarah is now just afraid of him or afraid of the future outside the mission. That is understandable, but also unlikely, because the mission will undoubtedly have the same contacts with outside world. New members within, etc. The visionary I find there a bit with the hair there. Why is she in the story? Is Ted not charismatic enough? To outsiders it is an incomprehensible situation, but they exist. Would the visionary not unmasked?When the inline-critique I have quite a few sentences or words deleted which I believe is unnecessary. You often tells anything what we already know or describes a feeling. That is not necessary.The topic is separate, but the denouement I find some skinny.

Resultaten (Engels) 2:

The psychological sophistication of a cult leader could be more pronounced. Members of the sect are brainwashed and do not think clearly. They think actually not anymore. Sarah is aware of the situation right now she goes to bed with the son of the leader. Which in itself is not surprising, but they find nothing to tell you, and so does the reader why she stays over at the boy, his father also hate again? Have you seen the movie Tjechov? It is refined manner described the psychological ascendancy of a cult leader. Falling through the basket from the leader might be a motive to escape his grasp. Sarah is now just afraid of him or afraid of the future outside the mission. That's understandable, but unlikely, because the mission will undoubtedly have the same contacts with outside world. There are new members, etc. The visionary I find it a bit with the hair dragged there. Why are they in the story? Ted is not charismatic enough? To outsiders, it's an incomprehensible situation, but they exist. The visionary would not be unmasked?

The inline critique I deleted a lot of phrases or words which I think are unnecessary. You tell often something we already know or describe a feeling. That is not necessary.

The subject is separate, but the denouement I find what meager.

Resultaten (Engels) 3:

the psychological sophistication of a cult leader would be more pronounced. the members of a cult are brainwashed and think more clearly. they think no more. sarah is aware of the situation with the son of the leader goes to bed. what is strange, but she has nothing to say, and so does the reader: why is she in the boy, his father even hate? have you seen the movie tjechov? it is refined manner of a cult leader described the psychological superiority. by the fall of the leader would be a motive to be grabbed to escape. sarah is now only afraid or scared for the future outside the mission. that's understandable, but also unlikely, because the mission will have contact with the outside world. there are new members, etc. the visionary, i find it a bit with the hair dragged there. why is she in the story? ted is not charismatic enough? for outsiders, it is an incomprehensible situation, but they exist. the visionary can't figure?in the line critique i have deleted some phrases or words that i think are necessary. you often tell what we already know or describes a feeling. that's not necessary.the topic is interesting, but the endings i think thin.